Karma

One way or another, it’s gonna find you, it’s gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha…or is it?

I read an article last month that garnered around 235 comments (I didn’t read all of them by the way), most of them arriving at a general consensus: a verbal annihilation of the writer, who confessed to a “karma fail” after her ex got married.  In short, the ex: +1 Writer: -235

It got me thinking about the whole idea of karma, so I decided to do a little research.

In Hinduism, Buddhism it is defined as an action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation.

In Theosophy, it is defined as the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person’s deeds in the previous incarnation.

Even artists have plugged karma in one way or another. Have a listen to Alicia Key’s song here and Justin Timberlake’s song here.

But, let’s get back to the article.  So I guess what seemed to tick people off the most was that the writer had been out of this relationship for nine years and when her ex got married, she heard it from their son.  I must say that she did admit that she didn’t know why it bothered her, because she did not have a problem with the wife to be.  Some feelings related to the time spent in the marriage and the reactions of others resurfaced and she started to wonder why they hadn’t told her, reminisced on how their relationship had played out (failed) and how she ended up with the ‘short-end of the stick’.

I’m going to play both sides.

Side A: After one has left a relationship that was quite significant (not only) in length and/or depth, doesn’t one have the natural ‘right’ to have feelings whether it be uncomfortable, regrettable, loving or even frustrated if the ex moves on before they do?

Side B:  Using the original article as an example:  Since the writer’s relationship with the ex ended nine years ago (it had also been stated that it had ended much earlier), shouldn’t one be mature adult enough able to look at the ex (especially one with whom one shares a child) and say, “Congrats. I hope you’ll be happy. Just don’t forget about our kid”. I added the latter sentence because the writer had hinted at doing more of the parenting throughout the marriage.

But the major question I think is, do our exes who weren’t very nice significant others deserve to be happy?  A few among the 235 raised this question.  Are we being totally ridiculous into holding karma to such a high standard that they should be exempt from happiness? Are we maliciously waiting for them to get theirs like we’re waiting for Brad Pitt to get his?  Or do we just need to move the hell on and get over it all, perhaps through therapy or otherwise?

I feel like some of those among the 235 were pretty harsh, after all, I think the writer was pretty bold to write how she felt about the situation and showed that we are all human, instead of pretending like situations such as these don’t make one feel a little uncomfortable even after time has passed.

Personally, I’m not too sure about this karma stuff and I’m also not too concerned about the state of life that my exes are in.  A friend was quick to aide on the side of karma when an ex asked for my advice regarding his troubled relationship.  I don’t know what karma’s supposed to look like but I don’t think that was it.

I’m not going to pull the ‘it’s a new year so’… blah, blah, blah…all I’ll do is remind us that relationships good and bad are all lessons and sometimes it’s ok to feel sad or miss them because they’re part of our growth.  BUT, they’re not worth dwelling on.

It’s called the past cause I’m getting’ past

And I ain’t nothin’ like I was before,

You oughta see me now. 

Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned.

Mistake overturned so I called it a lesson learned

My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned

Another lesson learned.

-Alicia Keys